apologies

For over a month now my blog has been hidden from everyone, due to me sending my boyfriend a paragraph from one post I wrote, and freaking out he might somehow magically realise my "diary" I told him about was an online blog, google the paragraph, and stumble upon this post. Crazy, I know.
For such a long time, I have let the past define who I am today. Ok, thats what happens, but I mean every time I've purged or self harmed or wanted to commit suicide, I have let those memories and feelings mould me into the reclusive depressive psycho. I want so much to be happy.

I want to change but I don't know how!?!?

Also apologies C, you asked me how I was and I just ignored you. I honestly don't know how I feel - uncertain?