this is the part of me. . .

I've made him my everything, is that a mistake?

I can't help but feel that one day, my heart will be broken
and I will have nothing left.

I never thought that someone could mean so much to me.
I would happily devote the rest of my life to.

The boy who I 'admired from a distance' for two years, done exactly the same to me, and is my boyfriend.



I went to the doctors he said it is probably acid in my stomach from stressing out so much about being pregnant and I have probably caused a stomach ulcer too. I asked for a blood test for pregnancy he said no, take these tablets and if they don't work I will give you a blood test if you really want. But I just continued to freak out and cry and the pains were so intense so I spoke to my mum about it, which wasn't as awkward as I thought, and she helped calm my nerves by reassuring me the tests are really accurate and I had 2a nd if you were pregnant you don't feel anything for months so my pains are just acid from worrying.

I have lost half a stone with worrying (or I think about 3kg), I am now 6st7lb what the fuck? I stepped on the scales the other day thinking hm have I gained weight looking for 'pregnancy signs'... *shock horror* 6st7lb!

I need to learn to calm the fuck down and not stress out !!


happiness is a blessing

My results were good: ABBC

Psychology - A
Maths - B
Critical Thinking - B
History - C

I was 1% from a B in History :( However my college is appealing and getting them remarked because so many people done so bad. I am relatively happy though, I just look at other people who got UUU (U is un markable) ... and then I feel so much better about life.

In general life is good, however I am still freaking out about being pregnant. Why do I do it to myself? I google things and just become hysterical. I have had 2 periods since it happened, I messed up take my pill, I took a test which was negative. I went today and took another urine test, which was negative. However now I read on line some people have negative tests at the doctors and still are pregnant because they're not senstivite enough to detect pregnancy. I have been having really bad pains like in my stomach and my lower abdomen is tender... therefore I am freaking out again.

Why why why :(


a a a levels...

In hindsight, over the past few weeks I have just been hysterical, when there is no need for me to be.

Today is 'A-level results day' and I am panicing now! It is 6.27am at 6.30am the results get uploaded online to like your student secction thing on our college's website. When I log on and look tomorrow I will cry at the monstrosity that is my History result. Just reminiscing of the jumbled up crap I wrote on my exam makes me sad. I don't know why I did it, I panicked at the word 'domestic policies'. What the fuck? Who gives a fuck anyway, about Britain 1906-1951? Lloyd George, I hate you and your 'domestic policies in 1918 onwards'. Resitting will be awful, having to relive the past 5 months, but it has to be done. At least I will do better on the Vietnam paper woop!!