I have actually gotten past the point of freaking out. I have convinced myself I am pregnant and I have to wait 11 days to finish taking my pill before I am due on. What am I going to do? I just hope to god when I finish my pill I come on because otherwise I will have to get an abortion. I keep crying. It lasted literally a minute. I did bleed abit afterwards. So the brown discharge could be just old blood. Or a sign of pregnany!!!

Actually on the verge of breaking down. Why am I so stupid? If I do miss my period am I supposed to tell him I think I am pregnant. I can't talk to anyone else, argh FML!!

freaking out

Right okay so I have a kind of problem, I have the tendancy to extremely over react however this is an actual serious thing...

I am on the pill I had my period on the 8th - 11/12th of January, then I started taking the pill on the 14th. However I had sex ont the 18th(unprotected sex blah it was a spare of the moment thing) and that morning I had forgotten to take my pill like I normally do. I took 2 in the evening as soon as I realised but oh my god I am freaking out thinking I am preganant. What the fuck should I do? I have to wait 2 weeks to finish taking my pills to see if I miss my period. Ahh!!!

Please bare in mind it lasted literally like a minute or two and he pulled out. I know I shouldn't freak out because what are the chances, but I can't help it. I want to vomit thinking about it :'(

c h a n g e

Firstly I would like to apologise for the lack of posting. I've been unmotivated and reluctant to come on here because I knew it would remind me of who I really am, despite me spending the majority of my times trying to repress my horrible thoughts.

In previous posts I've mentioned my admiration for 'the boy'. When we started college, I imagined he would merely forget about me. However he didn't, quite the opposite. A sequence of events led to what is now a relationship. He is such a beautiful person, when we're together nothing else matters.  I think I am in love with him.

I never believed in fate, but it must exist. I can't explain, but it's just so weird looking back at what happened to cause us to be together. 

But now I can't help but feeling a sense of vunerability. Should I let him now who I really am? Then proceed with the relationship being silently judged, or will he understand who I was, and who I (still) am. Or continue with a relationship built on lies. He has seen me with no clothes on, and doesn't hate me but I can't help thinking he will.

I'd love to be all cliched, and say 'new year, new start, new me', but it isn't I am the same fragile girl who is slightly happier than before. I wish I could leave the past behind me, but it is a part of me.

X