c h a n g e

Firstly I would like to apologise for the lack of posting. I've been unmotivated and reluctant to come on here because I knew it would remind me of who I really am, despite me spending the majority of my times trying to repress my horrible thoughts.

In previous posts I've mentioned my admiration for 'the boy'. When we started college, I imagined he would merely forget about me. However he didn't, quite the opposite. A sequence of events led to what is now a relationship. He is such a beautiful person, when we're together nothing else matters.  I think I am in love with him.

I never believed in fate, but it must exist. I can't explain, but it's just so weird looking back at what happened to cause us to be together. 

But now I can't help but feeling a sense of vunerability. Should I let him now who I really am? Then proceed with the relationship being silently judged, or will he understand who I was, and who I (still) am. Or continue with a relationship built on lies. He has seen me with no clothes on, and doesn't hate me but I can't help thinking he will.

I'd love to be all cliched, and say 'new year, new start, new me', but it isn't I am the same fragile girl who is slightly happier than before. I wish I could leave the past behind me, but it is a part of me.


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