pain,

I had almost forgotten the experience of purging until just now. That intense cramp in your stomach as your stomach releases the disgusting food you've regrettably eaten is in some twisted way therapeutic at times. I can smell my vomit - how disgusting. I've just sat for a good 5 minutes staring at the disgusting brown galaxy chocolate bar-lasagna vomit in my toilet. I think this might be the first time this year that I've purged, however I think I might have throughout February - March. I promised myself in the new year to end my days of self harm, purging and starvation, what a lovely 'new years resoloution' if only my mind had to capability to resist temptation.

I think every person in college is relieved to break up for Christmas, apart from myself. I have to revise for my tests, which isn't too bad, but that means being alone. Being alone means me contemplating how much I actually despise myself and with this comes sadness, crying, cutting etc.

I considered deleting this blog because I need to concentrate on revision and reading your blogs is awfully distracting. But then if I did, I would be isolated from a world of people who share my problems and who I can relate to. Having this blogs makes me feel less alone in the sense that I know I am not the only person in the world who some days just wants to die.