I know nobody even reads this blog, but I just need somewhere to vent my thoughts and emotions because I have nobody to talk to. I am so scared about being pregnant, I think I might be having symptoms, but then I don't know if I'm just being hysterical.
I plan to go tomorrow to the clinic and take a pregnancy test, scared isn't the word. What if I just happen to be pregnant? I will have to have an abortion. Do I tell him or not? I am being slightly hysterical again, because I just found out a girl I know is pregnant by 4 months, she still had periods and was on the pill, she only never used protection sometimes (she says) so ah!. Tomorrow is 4 weeks that week since 'it happened' so I need to just calm the fuck down really, have a blood test... and go from there. It lasted for about a minute, what are the chances.
This one thing happened, and I am dragged back to the emotional wreck I was two years ago, I feel like I am on the edge of just imploding. I can't eat or sleep, I just lay there wishing I was dead. I should be happy I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me and a best friend who loves me equally but like a sister. So why am I feeling so unhappy and depressed. I just want to slice my skin and vomit and I thought I had just got past all that. I thought I was going to be able to move on with my life and maybe even delete this blog because
'I'm no longer controlled by my weight, I don't starve binge or purge and I'm happy'
(I wrote that the other week in a post I never finished)
... But I'm not, I'm slowly resorting back to all of those things and I just am losing complete control of my whole like.
And the worst this is I have nobody to talk to, so it's me and my thoughts...