old habits die hard

Here I am, back to the unstable mess I was at 15. I can't even bring myself to explaining everything that has gone on this summer, without a total emotional breakdown.

Here is a brief  overview:
  • The boy doesn't believe in the idea of "love"
  • The problems he has in his life are probably 10 times worse than mine
  • He is a weird recluse who won't talk to me
  • He has so many problems they're affecting me too! (but if I tell him I am selfish)
  • After 8 months I haven't met his family (it took him 6 to tell his mum after my constant moaning)
  • I can't ever meet his family!?!
  • We argue all the time :(
  • I feel like such a bitch
  • I can't talk to him about stuff I feel like I weigh him down because he has so many problems himself.
I know I love him, but am I being selfish clinging onto this relationship that may be destined to fail?
 I am back to the ol' starving and crying all day antics.

I want to die, slowly and painfully.

1 comment:

  1. Perhaps his problems stem from his family (?). If so, it would make sense... I often avoid introducing people to mine because of how they are. It might also explain the lack of trust in "love.
    It's natural to want to hold on to something you've had for so long, but if it's causing you more grief than happiness, perhaps it's best to let go... especially if the other person isn't willing to sacrifice a bit of themselves to make things work.

    Sending you many good thoughts.